The first thing we’re going to cover in this series on 31 bits of know-how you should learn before heading out on your own is really more of a mindset than a skillset, but it’s a crucial building block that will lay the foundation for the rest of the “harder,” more practical skills we’ll be covering throughout the month. It’s developing a self-reliant mentality.

Part of being a grown man is taking care of yourself and making your own decisions. It isn’t until you’re on your own that you realize how much you relied on adults to make your life run smoothly. From doing your laundry to calling the doctor when you’re sick, your parents likely did a lot of things for you. While you might not be completely self-sufficient right when you move out (many young people rely on their parents for varying degrees of financial support well into their twenties), you can certainly be self-reliant in a number of areas in your life. For example, you shouldn’t need your mom to remind you about important appointments or your dad to bug you about taking your car in to get its routine maintenance. You should be able to remember to do those things yourself. A man with a self-reliant mentality doesn’t wait around for someone else to take care of things that need to be taken care of. If he encounters a problem, he takes the initiative and tries to figure out how to resolve it himself. So how does a man develop a self-reliant mentality? One of the best answers I have found to this question actually comes from a great, albeit endearingly cheesy, 1950s educational film called “Developing Self-Reliance.” It’s ten minutes long and definitely worth watching: In the film, a kind-hearted teacher lays out the four principles of building self-reliance for one of his young students: 1. Assume responsibility. Start taking responsibility for your life and the things in it. 2. Be informed. Of course, in order to take on more responsibilities, you have to know how to carry out those responsibilities. 3. Know where you’re going. A self-reliant man has goals that he has set for himself. 4. Make your own decisions. One thing I’ve learned the hard way is that life is actually much easier and a lot less stressful when you proactively make your own decisions. Also, while you should certainly seek advice from others to inform your decisions, don’t rely on them to make your decisions for you. It’s your life. Don’t let others live it for you. Balancing Self-Reliance Learning to be self-reliant takes time; you’re not magically transformed into a sage, totally autonomous adult the moment you turn 18. Rather, self-reliance is something you develop in stages as you get older, learn from experience, and become more and more independent.